Counselor's log

POOPDECK: COUNSELOR'S LOG AUTHOR: Anonymous POSTED: 10.22.2009 Counselor Log - Stardate blah,blah,blah

Hey all, Japhy here, checking in with Starfleet and letting ya know whats going on in my life. Just got situated here on my new ship, the USS Sisyphus. It's a cool place, man. As soon as I boarded I could feel some real positive vibes coming from this baby. This things got four warp thingies, so I imagine it's gotta be faster than almost any ship in the fleet. Not that it's a competition or anything. I'm just saying bravo engineers!

As far as the well being of the crew, I was, I must admit, a little concerned at the get go. Some of the senior staff showed some hesitance breaking in the ship with the maritime tradition of crapping on board before leaving dock. This is an obvious sign of stunted psychosexual development. Love of taking a poo is directly tied to the love of one's own creative impulses and one's ability to create love.

Take Lt. Cmdr. Crick Watson for example. He was so nervous about shitting in front of us. I assume this probably comes from overprotective parents or the fact that the kid is a real nerdy science geek. My prescription is getting this kid laid, stat! And "Doctor" Foggy McLeod said he couldn't take a dump because he is a gas entity! Cool man. Embrace what makes you you but don't over compensate. This dude, I think, is feeling really insecure and is coming off super arrogant. I feel for him cause, man, I would act like a choad too if I was a ghost who couldn't eat, drink, run or make sweet love. My mission, make a brother with no body FEEL like he is SOMEBODY.

All and all things are good for me here, but like I always say if I'm gonna work hard, I need to play harder. So I'm taking shore leave to Wrigley's Planet. I've been chatting online with a hot young lady named Nancy Crater and we're gonna go spelunking for a few days.

Don't Stop Feeling, Counselor Japhy Whitman